new take on teshuva

ELUL RECALL NOTICE

Regardless of make or year, all units known as "human beings"
are being recalled by the Manufacturer. This is due to a
malfunction in the original prototype units code named
"Adam" and "Eve" resulting in the reproduction of the same
defect in all subsequent units. This defect is technically
termed, "Serious Internal Non-morality, " but more commonly
known as "SIN."

Some of the symptoms of the SIN defect:
[a] Loss of direction
[b] Lack of peace and joy
[c] Depression
[d] Foul vocal emissions
[e] Selfishness
[f] Ingratitude
[g] Fearfulness
[h] Rebellion
[I] Jealousy

The Manufacturer is providing factory authorized repair service
free of charge to correct the SIN defect.

The Repair Technician, Hashem, has most generously offered
to bear the entire burden of the staggering cost of these repairs.
To repeat, there is no fee required.

The number to call in for repair in all areas is: PRAYER.

Once connected, please upload the burden of SIN through the
REPENTANCE procedure. Next, download ATONEMENT from
the Repair Technician, Hashem, into the heart component of
the human unit.. No matter how big or small the SIN defect is,
Hashem will replace it with:

[a] Love
[b] Joy
[c] Peace
[d] Kindness
[e] Goodness
[f] Faithfulness
[g] Gentleness
[h] Patience
[I] Self-control

Please see the operating manual, TORAH, for further details
on the use of these fixes. As an added upgrade, the Manufacturer
has made available to all repaired units a facility enabling direct
monitoring and assistance from the resident Maintenance
Technician, Hashem. Repaired units need only make Him welcome
and He will take up residence on the premises.

WARNING: Continuing to operate a human being unit without
corrections voids the Manufacturer' s warranty, exposes the unit
to dangers and problems too numerous to list, and will ultimately
result in the human unit being incinerated.

Thank you for your immediate attention.

Please assist by notifying others of this important recall notice.
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Author Unknown